Wednesday One Shots for 12/23/09

catonspeed recommends Cowboy Boots by Jayeliwood

Emmett's POV. For a challenge. The guys take Edward out two nights before his wedding. Some embarrassing things happen and some interesting questions are answered. Funny light one shot.

I'm all about the light-hearted reading this Wednesday. This fic is cute and funny, and I like it! It's cannon Emmett, and another bachelor night O/S. It was a challenge set by one of Jayeliwood's friends, and hurrah, because it's all kinds of cheeky fun. Oh yeah... and she rips the piss out of Edward, in the funniest way *grins*. Although, he turns it around at the end.

Go read, and enjoy a fluffy Wednesday.

JaspersDestiny recommends Replacing Guilt with Good by NCChris and Kitty Cullen-03

Jasper is reeling from a slip-up in the "vegetarian" lifestyle. Can Emmett help him get through the pain and guilt? Collab between NCChris and Kitty Cullen-03. Slash Backslash Contest Entry. Rated M. Jasper/Emmett

Okay, well then, let's see...I am not a slash fan...just because. It's just not my preferred form of lemon reading. But, GOOD GAWD, women! This is soooo hot!

I decided to look up NCChris to see if she had any Emmett one shots, considering the fact that she has written one Emmett/Bella story - Anchorage is for Lovers - as well as a Gateway to the Rockies prequel one shot called The EMT and the Photojournalist. Now, I haven't read Gateway to the Rockies, so I decided against its one shot. What do my eyes see, though? A Jasper/Emmett slash one shot? Oh, HALE, yes! If anyone can get me through a slash fic, it's Jas...slobber...per.

Emmett concurs:

"Fuck, this was so damned wrong to be whacking off to a memory of Jasper, but I felt powerless to resist it."

AND

"With a sigh, I found a hockey game being replayed. Perfect, nothing remotely sexy about hockey, not like the fantasy of a certain blond, Texan, ex-soldier taking a shower in the bathroom."

Ahem. But, this is about Emmett, right? Right!

What do we know about Emmett, in general? He's a good listener, loyal, and he's simple - not Forrest Gump-simple, but simple in the sense that he's carefree and doesn't require or give out any of the fancified bullshit that most people are ladened with.

And, Emmett is so easygoing:

“I want…more…” I ground out. (Jasper)

“Yes. Whatever you want. I want it too,” he murmured, squeezing me harder. (Emmett)

“Are you sure?” I asked; I didn’t want there to be any regrets tonight. (Jasper)

“One hundred percent,” he replied. (Emmett)

Jasper needs him. He's fucked-up again with the diet and the Cullens all have to move. Alice sets things up nicely for these two, extending "permission" for them to have "fun" together, confuddling our two leading men at first...but, when these two bo-hunks (yeah, I said it!) of manliness get it on...wooo hooo! *fans self* <--is it odd to get turned on by two men? Pfft, who cares? And, I love the sexual position they're in, too...it's tender and loving.

There were too many great lines in this one shot. My favourite line by far has to be: "Jasper had sipped up again today."<--Pfft...this is a typo...but is it not the best typo you've ever read? Yeah, Jasper has most definitely "sipped up" again, which is why the family has had to move. I love you both for this, Chris and Andrea!

By the way...I was confused by the condom thing, too...just like Emmett. ;)

Maelyn recommends You May Now Kiss the Bride by vjgm

This is my version of the wedding starring then minister, Emmett Cullen. With Emmett in charge, you know that humor will be involved. How does Emmett handle this important job? Will he behave? Or will Bella and Edward kill him? ONESHOT of SILLINESS. Canon couples. Rated T.

I almost rec'd a non-Emmett fic today until I remembered this priceless little gem. I actually have never 'read' it (although, I did just skim back through it just now). I first heard of this lovely story on iFic. I went away over the summer and decided to take some podcasts, this being one of them.

Let me tell you, listening to it is amazing. It's actually friggin hysterical. I can't say if you would get as good a kick out of it read or not. The narrator does a wonderful job and just brings to life the playful, quirky Emmett of the fic.

Why do I like the Emmett in this fic? He's sweet, loving and funny. He officiates the wedding, injecting comments under his breath to keep the ceremony from getting too overwhelming emotionally. He also has a pretty good 'Emmett-style' speech. Actually, all of the speeches by the Cullens are great and bring a tear to the eye.

So for something that will make you laugh, as well as tug on your heartstrings, take a gander (or a listen on iTunes) at this fic.