Wednesday One Shots for 03/21/2010

IdreamofEddy recommends The Difference Between X and Y by LyricalKris

Man or woman, friend or lover. When you don't put a label on it, you can just sit back and enjoy the ride, because when it comes down to it the only real difference is an X or Y. Edward/Bella/Jasper smutfic O/s, boysecks included.

So I sort of just stumbled upon this one shot by accident, and I can say I'm glad I stumbled, because I fell in LOVE with LyricalKris's writing!! Ohhhh!

Seriously, this one shot has two elements I usually just don't go out and look for when I'm looking for stories to read. It's all human (which I try to stay away from, no offense), and I just don't go for a whole lot of threesome fics that tell the tale of erotic and sexy times that lack a certain air of humanity.

Well not this one. The Difference Between X and Y starts out as an inebriated conversation. Jasper is irritated because society is full of homophobes and those who would label a man just because he wants to free ball it and wear a toga. As the conversation deepens, Edward and Jasper discover that they are both attracted to the other, and it finally gets to the point where they're almost challenging each other to admit that they're curious about the other. And, meanwhile, Bella is watching this all unravel. Jasper and Edward? Yeah, a girl's dream come true.

I guess what I liked the most about this fic is how it is paced. It didn't feel like the author rushed to get to the sex scenes and it was just a really good story. You have three people who are discovering new things about each other - AND about themselves - and I just don't see how it gets any 'realer' than this.

And then there's this (and I have no words for this):

Edward rolled his eyes at himself. He was an adult. He should be able to spit this out. "Who gets to...take...it?" he finally managed.

Jasper burst into laughter. "Could you be any more awkward? This is great," Jasper mused, obviously enjoying himself.

More entertained by Jasper's amusement than he was irritated, Edward cocked his head. "Why is this great?"

"Because you're Edward Cullen. You are irritatingly confident. Arrogant even. Now look at you. You can't even say the dirty words," Jasper laughed again.

Edward narrowed his eyes. Fine, if Jasper wanted to play nonchalant.... He leaned forward, elbows on the table and eyes boring into Jasper's. "Who gets to put their rock. Hard. Cock in a virgin ass?"

Jasper choked on his orange juice and Edward had a brief flash of licking up the liquid that dribbled onto his chin before his friend wiped it away. "Damn," Jasper said, coughing. "When you put it that way...."

Smug, Edward leaned back in his seat. "I rest my case." He rocked his chair back and forth nervously. "You're pretty ... large, Jazz. Maybe you should -,"

"Oh, na-uh," Jasper interrupted. "You're thicker than I am...and let's be honest here, when you're stretching ass, thinner is better my friend."

Bahahahaha!

Go read it, you'll truly enjoy it.


JaspersDestiny recommends Disgrace by catonspeed

What happens when your heart shatters? Not every fairytale has a happy ever after. Fandom Gives Back piece written for Mauralee88. BPOV. rated: M.

This one shot was written for Mauralee88 as part of Lucy’s contribution to The Fandom Gives Back. It’s too bad FanFiction.net is being a shit, though. You should see this puppy in its true glory. It is inspired by “Disgrace”, a poem by Carol Ann Duffy, and it opens like a play. But Lucy has it set up like a poem, words tabbed back and forth, and its title should read Dis(grace). But, alas, FFn does not allow such titling or formatting. And it’s too bad, too. This piece is just poetic to read, and it was a true honour and privilege for me to betaread.

Lucy has created quite the beautiful little masterpiece with this one shot. Angst-filled, heartbreaking, and devastating, it hits you hard because it is filled with such truth. Its characters could be anyone from the upper echelons of society; but its beauty lies in the fact that anyone can relate to it, regardless to which class of society you ‘belong’. It’s a story of the deterioration of a marriage, and Lucy gives us a view of the path from happy young couple to estranged pair. It is incredibly frightening.

The telephone is ringing. Its alien peal echoes through the empty hallway. The answering machine takes over and tinny voices begin to chime with laughter in chorus to no one in particular but themselves.

"I won't be back tonight."

I make no move to pick up the phone. My mother told me never to speak to strangers.

We watch as one woman – Bella - falls apart, going over in her mind how she even got to this place of dis(grace). And we see it because Lucy describes it so thoroughly. She lets the floodgates open and lays bare the ugly demons we try with all our might to hide from the rest of our inner circle, as well as from ourselves. We are not weak, we say. We will not let others see our fall from grace. We will build this wall and decorate it with jewels and other fancy facades, just so no one else can see what we’re hiding from the outside world. It’s a jungle out there; survival of the fittest. And we build up the lies and get lost in them when it comes to the breakdown of our relationships.

Darkness has finally settled outside. How long have I been sitting here? I wipe the tears from my eyes and check my reflection in the mirrored cabinets. My eyes are red; the mascara so carefully applied hours before has run. My lipstick has become a gash of blood across my face.

My appearance is the first thing they take in as the door opens, coats already in hand. They recoil.

We see the illusion of perfection as it crumbles to pieces before Bella's and everyone’s eyes. And we see the horrifying, silent ways by which society tears us down when we ‘fail’ to conform to its constructs – and remember, each societal class has its constructs. Regardless to which class we belong, we are not expected to fail; only to succeed. And we are expected to put on false airs and fake smiles, and to never, ever let anyone witness our spiral into the abyss. To witness it – to see it with our own naked eyes – is to witness ourselves; no one wants to see in themselves the possibility of their own failure. It’s too disconcerting. So we pretend that it doesn’t exist, much like we pretend for so long that something that was once happy and full of promise has not gone to shit.

I sometimes wonder if it ever existed, a time when we were truly happy, that is; not just faking it for the friends and colleagues we gathered, who stole jealous looks at something they believed to be so perfect and unattainable.

For those of you who have read The Last Mile, you know and appreciate the talent of Miss Lucy. She is a fantastic author. Her imagery, as always, is stunning - I believe it's her greatest strength. I could quote line after line here for you to read, each one more breathtaking than the last. But I implore you to read this work of art, and I’ll leave you with this:

The obligatory offerings of wine thrust into my hands, waiting for the mandatory response required for self-gratification. Rules of war artfully played out behind silk and Chanel.

The company of players takes their seats in the living room as they wait for the main event, who is again not present.


Maelyn recommends Always and Forever by belli486

Bella is a modern Cinderella and Edward is a player Prince. Will they live Happily Ever After? AH Rated M for Ripe Lemons. Collab between Belli486 and SavageWoman.

Ahh, don’t you just love the fairy tales? Cinderella is one of my favorites, too. So I like reading the fics that take the tale and give it a Twilight twist. This one was written for the Fun With Your Clothes On Contest.

In this one, Edward and Bella were childhood friends but grew apart when Edward moved away. He moves back later, but by then she is the unpopular girl and he’s the popular boy and they never quite strike their friendship up again.

Add in a cruel bet, evil stepmother and stepsisters, fairy God-best friends, and misunderstandings and you have a winner! Bella gets her makeover and no one recognizes her, for obvious reasons. The only time I thought it was stretching that part was when she and Edward are alone and he removes her mask. It was supposedly really dark, but he still saw enough to expound on her beauty. So his eyesight is good enough to see in the dark, but not to see who she is. Still, artistic license and all that.

I enjoyed the story and I really like how it ended. It makes me think there will be a sequel or some kind of continuation after the contest is over.


MissMaj recommends Waxing Romantic by Demosthenes91

A football game, too much beer, and Edward Cullen learns the hard way that you should never, ever piss off a pregnant woman. My entry for the Haiti compilation put together by MsKathy.

Manscaping. Waxing. Vajazzle.

This is what Edward has to endure when he taunts a very pregnant Rosalie, telling her that men can handle any type of pain, including giving birth. He makes a drunken mistake of accepting a challenge that he can take any kind of pain a woman could.

Written as an entry for the Haiti compilation, this one-shot is all about Edward's first VERY DETAILED, but non-graphic-you-want-to-gouge-your-eyes-out experience in waxing. Picture it just like that scene from The 40-year Old Virgin, but instead of the chest, Edward gets the Playboy Brazilian. And Bella does all the waxing. Amidst the humiliation and embarrassment, electricity flows between the two. There is slight flirting and teasing, and Bella manages to get to second base within thirty minutes of their first meeting, and Edward is trying his best to not get turned on by her touch.

The vajazzle doesn't show up until the end, nor Edward gets vajazzled per se, but it is an awesome finishing touch to this clever story. For those who aren't familiar with it, vajazzle is like a bedazzle for vaginas (pictured below). Yeah, my thoughts, exactly. o_O

It's a hilarious one-shot that had me literally ROFLing from beginning to end. Overall, the story has the perfect mix of sexiness and charm. It's a truly original piece of fic and I loved everything about it.

Not Edward's peen pictured:

P.S.
WE LOVE YOU WENDY!