Wednesday, December 16, 2009

A Night in the Volturi Dungeon

So, I tell my niece a lot of things that go on in the fandom.  Well, things appropriate for her 12-year old ears, that is.  Anyway, I told her about a time on Twitter when Claire, Maj, and myself spent an evening in a Volturi dungeon courtesy of Master Caius and Pia Volturi from Dawn Has Broken.  It was complete crackfuckery and we had a great time.  I laughed so hard I was wheezing, crying and almost pissed my pants. 
Today, I received this from my niece.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did! 
(Note:  Our twitters are generally NSFW  or children.  Just sayin'.) 
"I didn't hear anything, I swear to God."  I said, my torn lips complaining from the effort.  He punched me again, this time harder.

"Don't you lie to me, bitch!"  I couldn't see his face through the ski mask, but I could hear the anger in his voice, and I could feel it in his punches.  My left eye was swollen shut, but I could still see through my right one.  He knelt down so that his face was level to mine.

"Listen, sweets, I don't want to hurt you," he reached out and touched my bruised and bloodied face.  I hissed when he touched one of the deep cuts on my cheek.  "I just need to know what you heard.  After you tell me, I'll let you go."

"I already told you, I didn't hear anything.  There was too much static coming from my radio."  I braced myself for another punch, but he only sighed and stood up.

"I asked you a simple question, sweets, and I still didn't get an answer.  I really didn't want to do this."  He untied my hands and feet from the chair that I had been bound to, and slung me over his shoulder.  I was to weak to resist him, so I hung there, helpless.

He carried me down winding hallways to a dark room, and the only light was coming from the small window that was near the ceiling.  He dropped me carelessly onto the dirt floor, and rebound my hands behind my back.  After he was satisfied that I couldn't escape my restraints, he left, locking the thick wooden door behind him.

I looked around the room that I was in.  There wasn't much to see.  Dirt floors, concrete walls, the single window on the wall opposite the door.  The door itself was an old prison door made of thick wood with a window.

I tried to stand, but my legs wobbled beneath me, and I fell back onto the floor.  I fell onto my side, and fell asleep on the uncomfortable dirt floor.


I was awoken by the creaking of the old wooden door.  I squinted at the figure standing in the doorway.  I didn't recognize them, but that didn't mean anything.

"Hey, sweets.  I brought you some food.  Wouldn't want to starve such a pretty girl to death, now would we?"  He set a wooden plate down with some goop on it that he called food.  He locked the door behind him as he left.  I heard his footsteps echo down the hall as he walked away.

I sat up and tried to eat it, but since my hands were still tied, I had a little bit of trouble.  So, instead, I knelt until my chin rested on the rim of the plate.  I started to eat the goop on the plate, but it tasted awful.  I pulled back in disgust, but ended up eating it anyway - I was too hungry to be picky.

After I finished eating, or more like slurping, I stood up and went to the door.  I stood on my toes, trying to get the best view of the hallway.  There were dozens of doors on both walls, doors that looked like the one in my room.  I couldn't see anyone or anything in the hallway that could help me escape, so I sighed and walked away from the door.

"Come on, there has got to be some way out of this place," I said to myself as I paced around the room.  "Maybe someone will notice that I'm gone, and they'll come and save me."

I don't know how long I was down there, but after awhile, I heard voices coming from down the hall.  I stood on my toes and peeked out the window again.  I saw two very familiar people being pulled down the hall by some big, burly men, and they were thrown into the cell across from mine.

"Hey!" I heard one of them say.  She stood up and loked out the window, watching her assassins walk away.  "You have no righ - Maj?"  It was Claire, one of my best friends.  "So you are down here!  Hey, Mae!"

"What?  I'm having a little trouble, considering my hands are tied behind my back."  Eventually, Mae's familiar face popped up next to Claire's.  "Maj?

"What are you guys doing down here?" I asked, hoping that none of the goop was still on my face.

"Well, we heard that you had been thrown into the dungeon by Caius, so we cam to rescue you,"  Claire began.  "Mae tried to distract Caius by whipping out her handy-dandy sock puppets."  Claire glared at Mae, who cowered a little.  I had to fight back a laugh.  "While I tried to sneak down here to save you."

"Well, thanks for the effort, but how are we going to get out of here now?" I said, all of the laughter dying away inside of me.

"I don't know, but my niece just got here, so see ya later!" Mae said, and she disappeared.

Merry Christmas!

Just thought that I'd write you something funny to occupy yourself with when you have writer's block....  or whatever.  xDDDDDD


  1. Yep, and that's unbeta'd or anything. I just left it as she wrote it. She rocks. :)

  2. That was freaking awesome!!

    Thank you so much to Mae's niece for writing this, and I agree Tina, she has a lot of talent already!

    Love to Mae and Maj for keeping me entertained! You girls make me JUJ all times of the day and night!

    Love Clurrabella

  3. She writes like me, maybe even better...
    Does this mean I have a brain of a 12-year old? o.O

    She's awesome!
    Give her a hug from me. =)